Death To All Humans!

I zoomed through space in my newest TX-55 space model space ship. I leaned back onto my space chair and adjusted my space sun glasses. Yeah~

I was driving to my space girlfriend’s galaxy to pay her a visit, and I happened through an interesting solar system during my trip. I spotted it. The blue and green sphere. Earth. The perfect planet to troll, they’ll take the bait to anything.

I hovered down into Earth’s atmosphere. Hmmm, first someplace secluded…
I targeted a farm on the night side of the planet, and found an old farmer carrying bushels of wheat.

I opened my cockpit, and shouted out, “Death to all humans!”

The farmer jumped, dropped his bushel of wheat, and uttered something along the lines of, “Zeelge blargh bloo eep.” I flew away, laughing hysterically to myself. Terrified humans always make me laughing until my dillywack bladder explodes. (*Note: Dillywack bladder is actually slang for Space Sac Space Special Space Sack)

CRASH

Ugh, while I was busy laughing to myself, I think I crashed into a snowy mountain. … What kind of farmer farms next to a mountain…. yeesh. I clambered out to survey the damage. My “sweet (chill? sick? ghetto? wicked? one of those)” ride bore a giant scratch reaching from the front, elliptical windshield, all the way to the back exhaust engine, shaped like a totally awesome rocket. My poor baby! I just had the thing waxed too.

Oh, also, I forgot to mention. My front compartmental engine roared up in flames, melting the snow around in a circle of radius 3 space meters. Well this was sure an inconvenience! I reached into my dillywack bladder and pulled out my space keys. I hit the emergency button, and a beam of light shot into the sky. I wished I could hitch a ride, but my hopes weren’t too high, since only trolls came to this area. They would probably troll me as well.

Dang, I wish I brought my space phone, but I forgot it because I had to charge its-
No wait, space phones don’t need charging. Dammit.

I waved my space keys around, getting impatient for the next ship to fly by. I felt something furry bump into me. I turned around to see fluffy, white, and large bipedal…thing…

“Go away Yeti,” I snapped at him. “I’m feeling very grumpy right now.”

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