Professor Nomeburg’s Angsty Jellyfish

My friend, Professor Nomeburg showed me around his collection of strange animals. He felt very proud of his research.

He walked over to a large, glass tank. “And this, over here, is an Angsty Jellyfish,” Professor Nomeburg pointed to a rather squashy looking jellyfish. It waved its tentacles in a sulking matter.

I scribbled some thoughts into my notebook. “It doesn’t look very happy.”

“Indeed it isn’t. This jellyfish has a large aptitude for attitude,” Nomeburg chuckled at his word choice. “Observe.”

The professor flipped a switch. With a hum reminiscent to an intergalactic star ship being powered down, the room plunged into darkness. A few moments later, a clear green glow emanated from the tank. A very brooding shade of green.

“This is a strange property of the Angsty Jellyfish: vile-luminescence,” Nomeburg commented.

I made an entry of this property in my notebook. “By what chemical basis does this work?” I asked, trying to sound cool and intellectual.

Nomeburg furrowed his brow. “Hmm, yes, this is something that also interests me. I’m not sure yet, but I think it may have something to do with this…” As Nomeburg spoke, he fiddled with a dial. “This is actually just adjusts the volume to an amplifier connected to the tank,” he explained.

After Nomeburg the set the volume to 11, I could hear a faint but distinct noise that sounded like heavy metal. Except with out of tune guitars and extreme emphasis on loud, sloppy drum beats.

“A poor taste in music seems to feels this creature’s vile-luminescence,” Nomeburg said.

I nodded, and wrote “BAD MUSIC” in large letters in my notebook. “Do you suppose by feeding the jellyfish different genres of music, you could change its mood?”

“Actually, yes. I’ve already given it a try. By giving it nauseatingly happy music…” Nomeburg said as he wandered over to a cabinet. He returned with an iPod, and connected it to the tank’s amplifier. The jellyfish began waving its tentacles that eerily reminded me of the way my ex-girlfriend used to dance when she had too much to drink. Except, not even my ex-girlfriend would glow a bright yellow, which was what the jellyfish seemed to be doing. A strange, neon liquid pulsated through the jellyfish’s transparent body.

“Anyway,” Nomeburg continued. “The jellyfish also appears to be capable of producing ‘happiness’ in liquid form like this. I intend to research this and have a practical use of physical happiness.”

Very interesting! I hastily wrote and underlined in my notebook the words, “happy pills.”

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