Lucifer’s Potion

My toad brethren Lucifer hopped up to me, carrying a a vial with green liquid. “Dude, toad, dude, I dare you to drink this.

I stared at the vial. The air bubbles traversed through the thick, glowing, green goo. “Um, no thanks, I’ll pass.” I turned away to chomp on whatever it is that toads eat, I didn’t do my research on toads before I started writing. I guess I eat bugs and exotic cupcakes.

“C’mon toad, I know you want to. Didn’t you say you were tired of being a toad?” Lucifer continued, and he pushed the vial at me. “C’moooooon”

I sighed. “Lucifer, why don’t you drink it?” I hopped away, trying to escape from Lucifer’s pestering.

But he was a professional at pestering, and tailed me through the swamp. “Because I have no problems with being a toad, toad. Come on, toad, I thought you wanted to be human!” He dragged the vial behind him, proving to be difficult since it was twice his length.

“Oh, is that what it was? I don’t want to be human, that was Jermany.”

Lucifer paused. “Oh, was it? Wait, what did you want to be then?” He looked at me curiously.

I looked up at the night sky, up at the moon. “I want to be an astronaut!”

Lucifer threw the vial at me. A pain erupted through my head. “Gah, owch! What the hell did you do that for?!”

Ignoring me, Lucifer said, “Well there you go! This vial will turn you into an astronaut! A human astronaut.”

Anger welled up in me. I croaked at Lucier, “Why do you want me to be human anyways?! Grah leave me alone!” I tried to escape again, but Lucifer grabbed me.

He looked deep into my eyes and said, “Because, toad, it’s really awkward to keep calling you “toad” all the time. Saying, “hey man” is so much more rad, know what I’m saying?”

…You…what? That made no sense. And I told him so. “…You…what? That made no sense.”

Or at least, that’s what I wanted to say to him. But he had poured the contents of the vial into my mouth. I struggled, but the in a quick moment, the vial was empty. And to be honest, whatever it was, it tasted pretty good. Sweet and sour. And it made me feel…strange.

I burped. I collapsed. I spun. I rolled. I laughed. I transformed into a cyborg tyrannosaurus.

I shot upwards, my height rapidly increasing, and I soon towered over the swamp. My legs felt muscular and powerful. I gave them a flex.

“Oh yeah~ nice legs you got there,” I told myself. My long, metal tail looked pretty wicked as well. I gave it a swing and created a crater in the swamp. My arms were as lame as ever, but I totally digged the laser eye I grew. I shot some lasers into the sky, just for the hell of it. I mean, that’s what lasers are for right? I gnashed my bountiful, sharp teeth, which made a sound that could strike fear into any small animal like a bunny. Nice.

I looked down at Lucifer several meters below me. He looked so tiny now; it was a miracle I could see him in the dark. I lifted one leg, and crushed Lucifer below me with my three ton weight. I felt fat, so to hide my insecurities, I taunted Lucifer’s crushed body.

“That’s what you get for being so annoying! Hur hur hur”

Jetpacks sprouted out of my back, and I flew skywards, finally fulfilling my dream to be an astronaut.


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