Let me tell you a fantastic tale, sonny boy. There was a Koala Bear by the name of Freinz. He lived in Teddy Bear kingdom, and all the teddy bears elected koala bear as king.
Now you may be wondering, “You can’t elect kings…?” Why yes, that’s true. Teddy bears can’t vote either, but you don’t see me complaining. They can’t think either. They do have half-souls, kind of like semi-conscious vegetables. Freinz was born into royalty, so he rightfully deserved the title. His parents were teddy bears. There’s so many contradictions, but the truth of the matter is, koala bear was elected king by teddy bears.
All was peaceful the Teddy Bear kingdom. But in a land not so far away, but decently far, trouble brewed. An angsty prince by the name of McDonald wanted war. Peace bored him and made him feel sleepy. McDonald came to koala bear seeking war.
“Freinz,” McDonald said. “Thou art my friend, are you not? Come, let us fight in brotherly love. The dulldrom of peace inhibits my fleeting fancies.”
“Sir,” Freinz said in low and calm voice, like a wise voice floating down from the clouds. “Sir you are making no sense.”
“Have at thee!” McDonald shouted.
“Sir please, I am but a simple marsupial.”
And McDonald saw the truth in koala bear’s eyes, and let Freinz and his kingdom in peace.
Now, if I recall correctly, around month later, McDonald’s kingdom burned down and was overrun by teddy bears with pikes. Ohoho Freinz, that joker.
McDonald, standing on the highest tower of his castle, fell to his knees and clenched his fists towards the sky. The clouds darkened and thunder rumbled.
“Why?! Why hast thou forsaken me, Freinz?!” he roared into the sky.
Freinz munched on a leaf. “I’m feeling very sleepy today.”