Candie

I did not have an update yesterday because I was not feeling well. Well to make it up to you guys, I’ll give you this piece of candy!

It’s not just any piece of candy.

It is THE candy.

The Egyptians built the pyramids sustained by nothing but these candies. It fueled every fiber in their body, and allowed a single man to carry two tons of stone.

The Ancient Chinese smoked these candies, and had bursts of genius, allowing them to invent technologies centuries ahead of their time.

It was first created by the Greek Gods on Mt. Olympus, enhanced by the wizards in Atlantis, and refined by the space aliens in El Dorado.

This candy inspired Abraham Lincoln to free the slaves and grow a cool beard.

It whispered to Albert Einstein the secrets of the universe.

Thomas Edison stole all his invention ideas from this candy.

This piece of candy made a guest cameo appearance in the Bible.

This candy accompanied Neil Armstrong to the moon, got bored, and flew to Mars.

It fell back to Earth from space, crashing into Germany, and tore down the Berlin Wall.

In a Journey to the West, the Great Sage Equal to Heaven ate a piece of this candy and became immortal for about the fourth time.

It was Theodore’s Roosevelt favorite candy as a kid, and motivated Roosevelt to be manly.

This candy makes you look young forever.

Let’s you come up with a cool catch phrase or some other tag line to use when you beat a final boss. “You two have been a thorn in my side for long enough.” “Oh yeah? Well this thorn is about to take you down!”

It’s the secret to Britain’s Chamber of Secrets.

It’s why Reginald is so handsome.

This candy probably starred in one of Adam’s puns at one point or another.

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