Do you want to know who invented lying? Around seven hundred years ago, when George Washington chopped down the White House, a man emerged from the rubble by the name of George Washington. A different George, pure coincidence. The second George invented lying by saying, “Yo’ man, George, I’m your father.”
Actually, come to think of it, since they had the same names, that’s entirely possible.
Ugh, I stole the title “The Invention of Lying” thinking I could write something interesting, but I guess not. The only thing I can do is fourth wall jokes and unreliable narrator. Totally expected.
Well what if I was such a reliable narrator? Huh, what then?
Today, I woke up. I brushed my teeth and ate cereal with milk. I usually don’t eat cereal because it’s too American, but I did this time. Because we were out of thousand year eggs. I brush my teeth before breakfast too, just some custom in my family. Or habit, not really a custom.
I did some other, boring but normal stuff today. More evidence that I’m a totally reliable narrator (by the way I lied in the previous paragraph. It was vaguely worded, so I can’t count the number of times I lied, but between 1-3 times. See, I told you I lied, because I’m truthful. I’m an honest guy, totally reliable).
In fact, I’m so reliable, you can prop me up against a door, and I will hold of four policemen banging on the door while you make your getaway. It’s because my spine is really strong.