We Are the Ultimate Stalkers

Rated T for not very clean language.

I clambered up onto the wooden, thatched roof, and surveyed my surroundings. The sky was dark, but lanterns illuminated the dirt road with a pale, yellow glow. Strange, old fashioned looking houses dotted the town, packed closely together. I spotted a person in a red cloak, moving quickly among the crowd of faceless people.

I thought telepathically to my friends. “Hey, Jerick, you’re approaching from the ground right?”

“Right,” Jerick responded telepathically. I saw the diminutive figure following the red cloaked person several meters behind.  I swiftly moved from roof to roof of the wooden buildings, as Derick moved along the ceilings on the opposite side of the road.

The red cloaked figure entered a staircase up to a large, stone building. I followed after him, and bumped into Derick.

“Dude, you’re supposed to go the other way,” I said to him.

Jerick came up behind us and said, “This is the only entrance in.”

I sighed. Great, now the man can just guard this door if he thinks we’re following him. Might as well be a single person job.

All three of us entered the building. It was an eccentric one. It looked like a bar on the inside, except there was no place to buy drinks. Rooms would randomly change from musty wood, to marble white. We climbed up an incredibly narrow set of stairs. The stairs creaked beneath our feet, and dust flew into the air with every step.

At the top was a hideously small room, with a single window. The smell of mold permeated the area, and cobwebs dotted the walls. The glass was removed, and in its place was a white fence with vertical slits. I opened the white fence, and it swung outwards, and the rays of the sun filtered in.

Suddenly, we heard footsteps coming up the stairs.

“Quick!” I told Jerick and Derick. “Transform!”

A red-headed woman with ugly, dark robes walked up the stairs. She looked fairly young, but tired. “Why’s the window open?” she asked to herself.

She approached the window, then asked herself, “Why’s there pumpkin pie here on the ground? You know what, I’m getting kind of hungry…” The woman pulled out a kitchen knife, and cut the pie.

“AAHHHHHHH” Jerick shouted into our heads. “HELP ME!”

“You turned into a fucking pie?!” I shouted. “That’s not inconspicuous at all!” There wasn’t much I could do for him, and I watched the woman eat half of Jerick. She then licked her lips, and left us.

“The…the pain…” Jerick moaned.

“Your fault for transforming into a pie…pick a better disguise next time,” I said.

“And what did you transform into, Erick?” Jerick asked me between gasps of pain.

“Bird shit,” I replied. There was a moment of silence. “What?! I’m by the window, now it looks like the window has been open a long time instead of recently, since a bird flew in here and took a dump.”

“Um…guys…” Derick whispered into our minds. “We’re…we’re in a broom closet…why didn’t you guys transform into brooms?” I looked around, and indeed there were brooms everywhere.

Needless to say, Jerick and I felt like retards.

Suddenly, the red head returned, and grabbed Derick, muttering about how the minister puked on the table. “Noooooooooo!” Derick shouted.

“We wish you luck!” I said after Derick, as he disappeared with the lady. I returned to my human form and went to the window.

“Y-you’ll have to go on without me,” said Jerick, the pie.


I looked out the window. Below me, was a forty foot drop into a flower bed. To the right, was another balcony, and I briefly saw a red cloak whipping in the air. Our target. The balcony was a bit too far to jump, however.

I slipped my hand into the fence, and pushed forwards. The fence opened outwards and swung to the right, and I held on. The fence moved me closer to the balcony, and with my free hand, I reached for the marble railing. I grabbed the balcony, and attempted to pull my other hand away from the fence.

A jolt of shock surged through me. My hand was stuck. I gave a sturdy tug, and my footing slipped off the balcony, and I dangled by one hand on the fence, forty feet above the flower bed. The fence cracked, and bent in a fashion that prevented me from reaching back to the broom closet or the balcony. Crap.

I looked at the flowers below me. They were nice flowers. Fluffy red ones. But even if I wanted to drop down, I couldn’t. Below me, I saw the red head cleaning with Derick. Above me, a pie moaned in pain. I feel like shit, bird shit.


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