Jalapeno and Lemon – A Story About Revenge and Revolutions

“You!” Jalapeno shouted, a jalapeno in a wheelchair and a handgun in his hands. “You’re the cause of all this!”

It began ten years ago in one of Jalapeno’s childhood flashbacks. Pipin’ Red Hot Jalapeno was his nickname, and he was best friends with Lemon. Lemon didn’t have a nickname because he wasn’t

cool enough.

But Jalapeno liked Lemon anyways. One day he said “Yo’ man, let’s go to da pool.”

“Yeah, let’s go to the kiddy one with all the slides and fountains! Those are fun,” Lemon said.

“Nah brah,” Pipin’ Red Hot Jalapeno said in his smooth voice. “Let’s go to the adult pool, with the bottomless pool and sharks and Kraken.”

“Wow that sounds mature and very cool and safe,” Lemon said. “Ret’s goooo.”

And so the two of them went to the pool, completely naked at that. Not because they were fruits and fruits don’t need clothes, but because they were obviously rebels.

Pipin’ Red Hot Jalapeno dived headfirst into the black pool, which was black not because it was dirty, but because it’s bottomless and more ominous. Jalapeno’s scarlet, smooth skin which sparkled under the sun, allowed him to swim at an extraordinary pace.

Meanwhile, Lemon lagged behind with his bumpy, yellow skin. Though to give Lemon credit, he smells very fresh. And very flavorful too; he can make all kinds of dishes taste piquant.

But little did the two friends know, a shark’s fin poked out of the water behind them. It sprang forward, and with mighty hands it grabbed Lemon and forced him underwater.

It was Bell Pepper dressed as a shark, the neighborhood bully!

Lemon cried for help, and Jalapeno, hearing his friend, swam back to save him.  But a real shark with a fondness for spicy foods bit off the bottom half of Jalapenos, and Jalapeno sunk. Not like a rock, but like half a jalapeno that can’t swim.

Underwater, Jalapeno saw with fading eyes his struggling friend, which soon stopped.

“Hahaha!” Bell Pepper exclaimed. “I leveled up from a neighborhood bully to a murderer!”

Jalapeno sunk to the bottom of the bottomless pool, met Kraken, defeated him, and convinced Kraken to return him to the surface. But that’s a boring story and doesn’t belong in the flashback.

Back in the present, Jalapeno pointed his gun at Bell Pepper, a now level 64 serial killer.

“You’ll pay for what you did to Lemon!” Jalapeno shouted in his old, raspy voice. He pulled the trigger, and the bullet zipped through Bell Pepper’s body, hitting none of his vital organs because fruits don’t have any vital organs.

Bell Pepper laughed triumphantly. “Let me show you how to kill someone!” Bell Pepper leapt towards Jalapeno with his vegetable blender.

“That’s what I was waiting for you to do!” Jalapeno said. He actually wasn’t waiting for that, and was making everything up as he went. Luckily for Jalapeno, he was good at making things up. He was the top student in his improv class. Jalapeno ducked, and pushed Bell Pepper into his own blender.

Bell Pepper shrieked as the knives revolved and tore him apart. Jalapeno laughed.

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