Poot Orange Here

So the other day, I was talking to my brother and somehow the topic turned to talking about fruit. Actually that’s pretty common since we both love fruit.

Eventually though, I felt pretty hungry and didn’t want to talk about fruit anymore. “Hey man, stop talking about fruit,” I said.

“I thought you liked fruits!” he exclaimed.

“I dooo…but I’m hungry. All this talk about fruit inspires a kind of feeling I like to call ‘hungry,'” I explained. “If you want to say something about fruit, say something interesting.”

My brother picked up an orange, and motioned for me to come closer. “Hey, see this orange?” he whispered. “It’s actually a portal.”

I looked at my brother, then back at the orange. It looked like a standard orange to me. “Where does it lead?”

My brother handed me the orange, and said “Guess.”

I lightly squeezed the orange, then held it up to the light and squinted at it. Yup, standard orange. “I don’t know,” I eventually responded. “Where does it lead?”

My brother shrugged and said, “Guess.”

“Stalingrad?” I ventured.

My brother shook his head. “I don’t know, I don’t think it’s actually a portal.”

Annoyed, I threw the orange towards his general direction. It bonked him on the head, an expression of surprise rose on his face, and he disappeared.

I jumped back, momentarily hit by shock then by confusion. What just happened? I wandered over the now-glowing-blue orange, and poked it with my finger.

The floor changed to a flat, bright red. Otherwise the area around me was empty and flat. There were no structures whatsoever, and not even a cloud hovered in the sky.

I took a step and my shoes squeaked. The red surface below me felt rubbery and waxy. I giddily walked about, squeaking the floor as I went.

I eventually happened across a large hole in the surface. The ground shook and a giant worm emerged. It wiggled its slimy body like a blind dancer.

“Urgh, gross,” I muttered.

The worm took offense and shouted, “Did you just call me gross?!”

I gasped. “You can talk!”

“Damn right I can talk,” it spoke with an attitude. “And you know what else I can do? I can whoop your ass, that’s what!”

An enormous pair of fingers picked up the worm and flung it away. My brother’s voice boomed out. “Dude, the orange portal lead to a shrink apple tree. Go eat a mushroom or something.”


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